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Roger Ebert's post on his Esquire article reminded me of another change in my life since surgery. I rarely if ever look myself in the mirror. I never use the mirror to look inside the mouth to see what is left.
On my blog and other sites, I am still using a pre-surgery photograph, even though my face has not changed that much. I prefer to think of myself as what I was and not what I am now.
Saturday, February 20, 2010
Thursday, February 4, 2010
Living without Dining
Roger Ebert laid out the problem that I face in his blog post, Nil By Mouth. The problem is not the lack of food, it is the lack of dining. There is nothing more ingrained in our ability to socialize than eating and drinking. Remove this ability from a person, and it can be come incredibly isolating.
While it is possible to join others at meals, often those that can swallow do not think to include you.
When they do, many feel squeamish to see you pour your formula down your tube and will use that as an excuse to exclude you.
Being Jewish, food is a central part of religious life. One can start with the laws of Kashrut, that forces one to look at one's relationship with God as part of an activity that a person cannot avoid and survive. In many ways, Kashrut, becomes part of the language that Jews use to create a sense of community. As a language, the food itself is less important than the relationships that laws of Kashrut create with other members of the Jewish Community, relationships with those outside of the community, and relationship with God.
Food becomes a central part of every holiday, and more importantly, every holiday creates regular event for celebrations both small and large. If you think about Shabbat meals, they force families to come together and talk for two or three meals together. While they may eat together other times of the week, these are meals without time constraints. No one need rush off to work, chores, or school homework. Holiday meals do the same, plus it forces us to deal with other ideas in a setting that is as relaxed as one can imagine. It is hard to connect tension with a Sedar, a meal in a Succah, a Purim party, or a meal after lighting the Hanukah Candles
By setting limits on what one can eat and not eat, and limits on how permitted foods can be prepared and consumed together, Kashrut puts eating within context. Kashrut puts limits on our desires to enjoy the full range of what can be prepared in the kitchen. The existence of limits tells us how little sense it makes to obsess on our culinary desires, which should help us understandand how to deal with controlling other desires as well.
When you lose your ability to eat, you lose all of this. Going from rules that connect you to others, to a diet that drives connections away becomes debilitating. My challenge now is trying to find a way to connect in a food-centered world. I have not yet found a way. I hope I can soon.
While it is possible to join others at meals, often those that can swallow do not think to include you.
When they do, many feel squeamish to see you pour your formula down your tube and will use that as an excuse to exclude you.
Being Jewish, food is a central part of religious life. One can start with the laws of Kashrut, that forces one to look at one's relationship with God as part of an activity that a person cannot avoid and survive. In many ways, Kashrut, becomes part of the language that Jews use to create a sense of community. As a language, the food itself is less important than the relationships that laws of Kashrut create with other members of the Jewish Community, relationships with those outside of the community, and relationship with God.
Food becomes a central part of every holiday, and more importantly, every holiday creates regular event for celebrations both small and large. If you think about Shabbat meals, they force families to come together and talk for two or three meals together. While they may eat together other times of the week, these are meals without time constraints. No one need rush off to work, chores, or school homework. Holiday meals do the same, plus it forces us to deal with other ideas in a setting that is as relaxed as one can imagine. It is hard to connect tension with a Sedar, a meal in a Succah, a Purim party, or a meal after lighting the Hanukah Candles
By setting limits on what one can eat and not eat, and limits on how permitted foods can be prepared and consumed together, Kashrut puts eating within context. Kashrut puts limits on our desires to enjoy the full range of what can be prepared in the kitchen. The existence of limits tells us how little sense it makes to obsess on our culinary desires, which should help us understandand how to deal with controlling other desires as well.
When you lose your ability to eat, you lose all of this. Going from rules that connect you to others, to a diet that drives connections away becomes debilitating. My challenge now is trying to find a way to connect in a food-centered world. I have not yet found a way. I hope I can soon.
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